Handsome Awkward

Well life as I perceive it certainly continues to get more awkward day to day. Human beings continue to amaze me with their antics and down right crazy behaviors. The worst part about it is time and time again I am reminded of the dumbfounding realization that " I too , am one of these people". When you refuse , at times, to see things objectively, you can completely detach from reality, and think of yourself as a world apart. These very thought patters keep me from realizing who it is I am , and what it is I need to do. None the less there is always humor to be found in daily life, and I have a grab bag of behaviors to choose from. So lets get to it.

I last left you with some Jerry happenings, but I am kind of getting burnt out on the whole Jerry thing. Jerry is still Jerry, and Jerry will continue to be Jerry until Jerry realizes that Jerry is a total ass, a man apart. I have something a little more disgusting to talk about this time, and its a doozy.

There is, or was a client by the name of Bill, now personally when I here the name Bill I immediately have a mental picture of some nice Caucasian fellow, maybe because that's my Uncles name and that's what he is, certain names provoke some depiction in my mind of what they should look like, and when the image is contradicted it throws my whole world into a spin. Kind of like when you encounter a Spanish looking fellow and he tells you his name is "John", just doesn't fit, not now , not ever. Back to Bill so Bill is 6'6 and he is as dark as midnight, I mean dark, and thin, very thin, an Ethiopian unhealthy type of thin, not a red carpet I starved myself to fit in this dress thin, but a this is in my genes thin. Anyway he is the darkest human being I have ever met, I honestly don't understand how scientifically it is possible that one man would possess some much color, or lack of it, however you want to look at it. And he is as dumb as a rock, I know he is from American, I know he has grown up with the English language but something in his mind does not allow him to grab ahold of it. That being said, it is quite funny when Bill attempts to drop some poetic wisdom on the family. Things like "the sunlight don't shine til' you out the dark" well thanks Bill, I would not have been able to understand the situation at hand with that glimpse of poetic genius inside of you. Bill once got caught in a mental trap when he attempt to explain to a family member that he should " let me help you help me help him help me help you help Bill...." and so on and so on like dividing 3 into 1 it was never ending. I thought for a second that he slipped into some kind of conscious mental coma, like a skipping CD or something, it wouldn't stop until it was interrupted.

Anyway, Bill is no longer with us. Why you might ask? Let me tell you. We have a sister program and there is a "no look, no talk, no touch" type of rule in to prevent any communication or unhealthy relationships from forming between the men and women. Looking for a girl in that program was once described as " shopping for a new car in a junk yard" and I couldn't agree more, other then the fact that they are all hideous , they are just as messed up as the people in my house. And personally I would never, ever , ever want to date someone that has the mental thought process that I possess, that would be an absolute nightmare, even I know this. So my friend Bill fell in love, head over heels ," I don't care about the god damn rule in love". This alone is humours, I have fell into this trap before. Early on in recovery there is a need to search for something to make you feel good, rather then doing the hard work and looking inside yourself, people like myself look for external things that we can turn to for some kind of instant gratification, and it usually ends up in catastrophe. I mean it gets ugly, real ugly...expectations don't get met and next thing you know your crying in a corner with your knees curled up in the fetal position ( not that I have been there , I just know a guy).

So Bill got busted, but here is the best part, Bill got busted making "love" to his rehab sweetheart in the public "family" bathroom at a near by shopping mall, a classy place to make love to say the least. After being confronted about this Bill stuck to his guns and claimed " I wont give up dis love for no one, not no one , I gots all i need wit my baby", if all he needs is another human being just as weird looking that comes with a side order or 4 little midgets than yeah...you sure got all you need Bill, more power to ya. So Bill left and his girl left, well they were asked to leave because they broken the golden rule, and he did it in a public bathroom. A certain mental image creeps into my mind when I think of the events that take place, for some reason I cant prevent imagining this going on, and it haunts me, it truly haunts me.

Bill's women was later spotted at the bus stop with some new weird ass looking dude who she was a little to intimate with to write it off as a brother or relative ( this however cannot be ruled out considering the crowd of people that inhabit these houses), and 4 midgets running around beside them.

Poor Bill, love hurts, love scars, and love should not be made to a person as crazy as you are in a public bathroom, what a valuable life lesson.